Ten years ago, almost to the minute of my publishing this, my father Tony took his last breath.
My dad, likely around my current age of 41...
His death changed the course of my life.
I asked myself questions I hadn't bothered to ask at that point.
Who was I?
Where was my life headed?
Was I happy?
Was I living my life according to my preferences?
Was I a good person?
I chewed over all of those questions for some time. I made some changes in my life. I ended a relationship. I moved across the country. I got serious about my business.
While my parents had not supported me financially in over a decade, I remember feeling as though I would be performing the rest of my life without a net. This feeling was an odd mix of fear and liberation. I was on my own now, for real.
My father's death pushed me all the way into manhood.
Looking back, a decade later, I appreciate what that experience did for me.
Three days ago, my wife gave birth to our son. She did it completely naturally — no drugs, scalpels or interventions. While she did all the work, being right next to her through the labor process and birth was an intense experience.
Yet, I felt quite calm throughout it all. At peace. Knowing that all would be well. That patience and positivity rule the day.
After the birth, I realized how much I learned from sitting with my dad and watching him die over a week in late August, ten years ago. I know that I can be with the most intense feelings in life and still be present.
A final gift from my father that still keeps giving.
As a bonus, I should add that my father's spirit even had the awareness to hold on a few extra hours and not to pass on my birthday.
Drew, age a few days.
The end of August has always felt like the end of the year to me.
A time to celebrate, reflect, and dive into the new year.
My birthday. The anniversary of my dad's passing. And now my son's birthday.
The circle keeps on turning for all of us.
Endlessly.
My son Alex, age a few days, and me.
Filed under Blog, Current Events, Drew's Photos by . 
On this day, a son was born to Karin Witzig Rozell and Drew Rozell.
Alex Andrew Rozell. Age 8 hours. Born ready for you. Armed with skill and determination. And grace, too.
Alex came at 3:11 AM, August 26th, 2010. He chose the time in honor of daddy's favorite band.
Weighed in at 7lbs, 11 oz.
Mom was a champion, as expected.
My words could never do the experience justice, so I will refrain here.
Just want to post a picture, relay that everyone is doing fantastic, and life is very, very cool.
More to come, but first a shower and some coffee.
Karin and Alex. I am so proud that these two beautiful people are in my life!
UPDATE:
Alex's first morning at home from drew rozell on Vimeo.
Filed under Blog, Current Events, Drew's Photos, very cool life by .
Taking a moment to breathe in on the mountaintop after a solo hike.
I watched a special on John Lennon last night. John was talking about his time away from music, a time when he directed his energy toward raising his son, Sean. During this period, John said he did not pick up a guitar for five years.
In his words, sometimes you need to "breathe in before you can breathe out."
I took his words to mean that if you are a creator, someone who shares their thoughts and feelings with the world in some shape or fashion, that every now and again, you need to go inward, to be quiet, and to just focus on replenishing your energy.
You need to allow yourself the space to just breathe in.
I found his words particularly timely as I find myself in a similar space lately.
Perhaps it's the impending arrival of my son. Perhaps its the summer. Perhaps its because for the last several months I've been intently focused on writing my book (it's finished!), planning, and preparing to completely re-launch and re-brand my business in the early fall.
During this time, I've continued to write, create, and take photographs. But I have not felt the desire to breathe out and share much with the world. It's felt more natural to just be quiet for a while and to keep my thoughts to myself.
I share these thoughts here now simply because it feels good to share them. I still suspect I need another few weeks of breathing in.
The larger point is that I found hearing Mr. Lennon's words gave me a kind of permission that I was looking for — that not only is it okay to withdraw from time to time, it's necessary. It's natural.
I offer this as simply a reminder, just in case you needed to hear it like I did.
So, breathe in.
The world will still be waiting for you when you are ready to exhale.
Filed under Blog, Freedom, Ease, Connection Files, very cool life by .
Better to strikeout than hit into the DP
I watched the first few innings of the Major League All-Star game last night.
The American League was threatening to score with 2 men on base and only one out. The next batter, Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers, promptly hit into a double play. Threat gone, inning over.
As a batter, hitting into a double play is the worst possible outcome for your team (yes, triple plays are worse, but too rare to count).
As Hamilton hit into the twin killing, I found myself talking to my TV once again:
If you're going to hit into a double play, at least have the good sense to strike out…
(This line comes from legendary Baltimore Orioles manager/curmudgeon Earl Weaver.)
Applying this wisdom away from the baseball diamond, when things do not feel like they are going in the right direction, the wisest decision is to take a timeout, step back, and refrain from the compulsion to continue forcing things.
When you feel frustrated, anxious, angry, or fearful, it's better to stop what you're doing and regroup. This way you minimize the damage. When you continue to try to bull through things when you do not feel aligned, chances are you'll only create more undesirable outcomes.
While strikeouts are not ideal, they are twice as good as double plays.
I write these thoughts from my personal experience. Today, I'm in the middle of putting together my new Very Cool Life package (my new book, CDs, and lots more…). While it's exciting to have all this great material to share, the details of packaging it all led me to feel overwhelmed.
So much to do. So many decisions. So many questions.
I knew I needed to chill out and to focus my thoughts in a better place (after all, it's ALL in my materials!)
But I didn't.
I kept at it. I would make today "productive" if it killed me.
And it almost did.
I finally came to my senses when I found myself covered in sweat and ink, swearing at my jammed printer (which was too cowardly to fight back). Murphy's Law was in motion.
And just like that, I had hit into a double play.
But it's not too late. There's still one out left.
So I'm going to take a break. Do a nice mediation. And I'll get back into the game when I feel ready.
Next time, I intend to have the good sense to just strike out…
Filed under Blog, Freedom, Ease, Connection Files by .
Isn't she lovely? Karin at her baby shower.
Above is a picture of my wife at her baby shower, celebrating the impending arrival of our first child.
Her mom hosted the celebration in her lovely home. Great food. Fun baby gifts. Happy people. (They even let me attend!)
Later in the afternoon, I turned on the World Cup match. People in the stands were going crazy, celebrating the idea of nations coming together, kicking a ball around the grass.
When night fell, and my father-in-law and I were shooting a few games of pool, we could hear the popping of fireworks in the distance. I assume it was a celebration for the high school students who graduated earlier in the day.
Celebrations all around. As it should be…
For life is to be celebrated.
Even if you have no good reason…
Celebrate!
Filed under Freedom, Ease, Connection Files, My life by .
