"Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only real security"

– Mathematician John Allen Paulos

 

I agree. 

100%.

As a coach, my job is to ask questions. 

I was thinking just now of all the questions I've asked people… if I had to choose just one to give me the best sense of a person and how they most likely live their lives, I'd ask them this one:

"What do you believe happens when you die?"

Are you simply worm food? In a place called Heaven? (Or Hell?) Do you meet up with 70 or so virgins? Do you have no clue what your answer is?

Are you eternal? Or finite?

Does it end with death? Or is death a new beginning?

Do you have no belief? Or no idea?

This question (and the conviction with which it is delivered) will give you some great insight as to how people live. 

I can tell you this — most people fear death. They do not like to think about it much. It's something to be sorry about, something to be avoided at all costs. And fear of death, if present (and whether acknowledged or not), has a huge influence on what one chooses in life. Huge.

For the record, I fall into the "eternal being" crowd. Don't believe I started here. Don't believe I end here. Don't know what form I take next. This belief frees me up. Guilt, fear, worry do not have the power over me that they once did. They come up still, but I'm more conscious of their influence.

In a sense, my belief about death allows me not to take anything too seriously. As an eternal being, whatever's going on is just a scene in the movie. It's interesting, but not too terribly important. Nothing to get hung about.

Enjoying myself, feeling good, feeling connected — that feels important. And if it's not important, at least it feels like a worthwhile strategy for my life. 

But that's based in my strong belief, my answer to the critical question.

If you feel like sharing, I'd be interested in your answer.

Or your thoughts on another question you feel tells you the most about someone.

(* May not have really happened)

Every so often, The Sunday Times Magazine will publish an interview with someone — I can't even remember what the feature is called — but I'm always entertained by it…

One day I got the inspiration to answer the questions for myself, perhaps craving the attention. Perhaps in an attempt to visualize my future. Anyway, I don't tend to question inspiration too much — I just try to follow it.

I've had this file on my computer for nearly a year. Came across it today while looking for something else.

And figured, what the hell…

 

Fantasy career: Shortstop. New York Yankees. Or guitar player in a band with tight trousers. Or a movie director.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next big purchase: Ready for some new ski, bindings, boots. Got the itch.

Morning routine: Up at 6:30 or so. Feed the dog and the cats. In the winter I start the fire in the woodstove. Coffee while watching the sunrise. Listen to nothing or Howard Stern on Sirius. Breakfast and some writing. Coaching starts on Tuesdays, 9AM.

Procrastination technique: Checking and answering e-mail. Reading stuff.

Nagging injury: Some arthritis in my left knee from an old basketball injury/surgery. Just gets sore after a day of skiing. But the less I focus on it, the less it bothers me. So let's forget I mentioned it.

Worst attribute in a coach: Fear. Fear of telling the truth as you see it. Fear of not getting hired. Fear of getting fired.

Place where he spends the most time: In my office. I've got a great view of the sunrise, the mountains, and a good birdfeeder. When I am coaching someone, I just stare out the window.

Favorite recent purchase: My chainsaw. It feels powerful. And dangerous. Took down a big tree the other day. My heart beating like a jackrabbit, hoping I did not get pinned under the sucker as it fell. But it went right where I wanted it to - thrilling! I could buy wood cheaply enough, but there is such satisfaction from cutting and splitting. The ultimate reward is heating your house with something that has touched your hands many times.

Obsession: Figuring people out. Or at least coming up with compelling stories about them in my head.

Gadget he can't live without: I don't even have a cell phone, so I'm not a big gadget guy. But when I travel or when I work in a public place, I love my Bose noise reducing headphones. Oh, I do carry around my Sirius radio (it goes from the car to the house) all the time. Music rules.

Best thing about living in the country: It's quiet. A man can think out here. The sunrise. The sky is full of stars. I open the door and I can hike, bike, or ski. You are constantly reminded of the rythmns of the world by looking outside your window.

Biggest self-indulgence: I'm not much into denying myself.

Person from history he wants to meet: It's the clichéd answer, but I'll go with Jesus. I mean, who would have more to share? Would love to straight from him rather than all the interpretations we're left to sort through. And in person, I've found that most heroes disappoint compared to the image we hold. I'm thinking JC would deliver the goods.

Favorite Song: Certainly it's impossible to pick just one. Kinda depends on the day, on the mood. But if I had to choose one that hits me every single time, I'll go with "Imagine"… A song filled with melody, beauty, and truth.

Always in fridge: Soy milk. Natural, crunchy peanut butter. Real maple syrup. Frank's Red Hot.

Personal hero: John Lennon. Love his genius. Paul Newman. Love all he's been able to create, all he's been able to give. (Update: Just heard Mr. Newman passed. A cool guy, indeed.)

Funniest coaching story: Early in my career I took on this client who was both weird and rather depressed. I have no idea what we were doing together. Anyhow, in my coach training, I had just learned the power of silence. As in, don't allow your own discomfort with silences on the phone with your client lead you to just start talking. Often the first thing someone says after a prolonged silence is rather important. So this guy goes silent. And I am determined to match him. One minute. Two minutes. This is a LONG time if you've never done it before. Three minutes. Four minutes. This is getting ridiculous. I'm busting out of my chair. What's this guy doing? Is he playing a game?

And then I hear him snoring…

Best recent gift: My father-in-law paid for our wedding. Hard to top that one.

Home away from home: A cabin in the woods, originally built by my dad, painstakingly remodeled a few summers ago by my brothers and me. If you're close to me, you've been there. And you have a fond memory of the place. Below is the place before the remodel.

Always by his bed: A couple magazines. A book. A snoring dog. A cat fighting for real estate on the bed. And a beautiful woman.

What he wanted to be when he was 6: The Fonz. Or Batman.

Household chore he hates: (I try not to hate anything) Once every three weeks or so we take our trash to the transfer station. Recycleables, bottles, garbage. It's a whole event to pack up the truck and then distribute everything at the center. Karin does most of the sorting, I'm just the muscle. It's not that bad though. And you always feel great when everything is gone.

Hero as a coach: Gotta go with Thomas J. Leonard. Without him, I don't think I'm doing this. A true visionary and what a thinker. The field of coaching never fully recovered from his death.

Greatest strength/weakness: Two sides of the same coin here. My gift is that I see things. Visually, I have really excellent eyesight… much better than 20/20. So I notice things… everything. I can see the open man on a basketball court. I can tell what the car next to me is going to do in traffic long before he does it. And I can see things in other people's lives that do not serve them (doesn't work as well for seeing myself, however). There are lots of upsides…

The downside is that this gift can lead me to be judgmental and critical. When I see things that do not work as well as they could, my natural inclination is to fix them. Sometimes I wish I could just keep my mouth shut. Looking for the balance here.

Obsolete item he can't toss: Eventually, I toss everything. But I did have a tee shirt from my ROTC days at the University of Florida. They made us buy it on the first day for $5. Kept it for 15 years until it just disintegrated.

Favorite place in his house: In the morning, I like the couch that faces the windows and the views of the mountains. In the summer, it's out on the deck.

Topic he adores but won't discuss at a party: After a couple beers, I'll talk about anything. I am always wildly entertained. Others, maybe not so much. But to me, these kinds of conversations are the stuff of life. I am really not interested in the "rightness" or "wrongness" of peoples' beliefs… I am just intensely curious why people believe what they believe.

Favorite place to nap: I probably take like three or four naps a year. I wish I could take more, but I'm just not a napper. Only happens when I am exhausted. And then on the couch. In the sun.

Favorite car: Bought a pristine 1988 Toyota Land Cruiser to drive myself, my possessions, and my two dogs across the country in 2001. A beast. Would go through anything and I love to ride high up with great visibility. But a gas hog.

Favorite hobby: Love to read anything and everything. But I like taking a good photograph. Would really like to get a super nice SLR and see what happens. Love basketball, skiing, kayaking, baseball, being outdoors. Oh, and I love talking with my wife.

Worst thing about his job: Trying to explain to someone at a party what I do. You've got to experience me, baby!

Favorite game: Basketball. Love everything about playing the game. The competition. The sweat. The teamwork. The perfect of the round ball. Though I find the NBA impossible to watch.

Favorite article of clothing: I don't care much about clothing. But recently been buying some Prana gear. Nice fabric, snug tapered cut. I like that. Comfy, flattering.

Collections: I'm not a collector of any thing. I used to collect CDs, but with downloading and satellite radio, I do not buy many CDs any more. And I give a lot of my books away after I read them too.

Working uniform: Adidas athletic pants. Some sort of performance wear shirt (something that keeps me warm or cool). Slippers my sister got me for Christmas. They are like comfy dress shoes. Love them.

The house's best feature: Light. The house faces south so we get the sunrise and light all day long. The previous owner was a professional photographer. He told me this house had the best light of any place he'd shot.

Favorite book read recently: Empire Falls by Richard Russo. It's set in small town Maine, but reminds me so much of the small upstate New York town I grew up in (Hudson Falls). His characters stay with you long after the book is finished.

Recurring dream: I am playing basketball. I am going in for a layup, an underhand scoop to the hoop. I jump and I notice that I just keep rising…rising…rising until I notice my wrist is as high as the rim. At my apex, I flip my wrist around and BANG! I slam the ball home.

In waking life, I used to be able to dunk a volleyball, but those days are gone. And that's okay.

But I do love that dream!

 

 

 

 

If you want to live a very cool life, you'll need to know thine enemy…

In this free one hour call, I'll share what I've learned in the past 13 years of study.

Listen here, or download the MP3 file for your iPod.

P.S. Would love to know your thoughts, too –

d

Reader and friend Dan sent me this e-mail the other day…

"During the financial crisis I find myself checking your blog multiple times a day for some spiritual relief!"

I don't know if I'll provide any spiritual relief, but I do have some thoughts on recent events, and since you asked…

So it's being reported that the fall of these Wall Street institutions and subsequent bailouts has erased something like 1 trillion dollars of wealth. One trillion. Big number.

That's such a big number that yesterday I got a letter from my stock advisor dude. This pretty much sums up his message.  (God, I love YouTube!)

First, I find it interesting to look at what is at the core of this event. Not in the sense of blame (greed! foolishness! instant gratification society! blah blab blah), but understanding the true dynamics of what occurred. 

What happened was a crisis of confidence. The quote below makes the point well.

What we are witnessing may be the greatest destruction of financial wealth that the world has ever seen — paper losses measured in the trillions of dollars. Corporate wealth. Oil wealth. Real estate wealth. Bank wealth. Private-equity wealth. Hedge fund wealth. Pension wealth. It's a painful reminder that, when you strip away all the complexity and trappings from the magnificent new global infrastructure, finance is still a confidence game — and once the confidence goes, there's no telling when the selling will stop.  –  Steven Pearlstein from the Washington Post, 9/18/2008  

For all the dollars in circulation, there's no gold in the treasury backing the value of that currency. The U.S. government did away with that a long time ago. They just kept printing money and we all entered into the collective agreement that little slips of colored paper carry some value. 

My point is this — money is made up. An idea. Confidence. A belief.

Never forget that!

That's the good news. If money is a belief, then guess who's in charge? You, my friend. You are in charge. Not Wall Street. Not stock tickers. Not talking heads on television. Not "the economy" or the "housing market." Not computer screens telling you your balance of the value of your IRA. Not bills that arrive in the mail. 

You.

You are in charge of your feeling and beliefs about money. You are in charge of the degree to which you allow money to flow into your life.

Of course, there's a catch to this good news. This requires you to be responsible for how you feel about money, responsible for your confidence level, and responsible for the beliefs you allow to touch your life…

As you might guess, this is where most people fall off the wagon. In fact, most jump off and head for zee hills, screaming. The REALITY they say (with a charge in their voice) is that I'm worth less than I was yesterday! I won't be able to retire! My business will dry up in this slow economy! I'm doomed, man! Don't you hear me? Dooooooomed!

You get the idea.

And I say, if that's the reality you choose — if you forfeit responsibility for managing how you feel with regard to money and lose your cool — well, money will return the favor. 

Again, we're told a trillion dollars evaporated. And certainly, that's a sobering number. But you know what? I didn't feel a thing.  The next morning the sun still came up. The geese flew by. My coffee was hot. The 80 bucks I had in my money clip was still there. My cat kept eating flies. My wife still seemed to dig me.

If I were to check online at my investments, my guess is that the numbers on the screen would be different than the month before. Probably lower. But I invest for the long haul, so I don't much concern myself with volatility. And the greater truth is that I'm only really concerned with how I feel today. I'm not thinking about retirement. I do not believe in the concept of "security" (it's a euphemism for living in fear).

I'm focused on the now. And I believe that if I focus on now, feel good… well let's just say that living this way works much better for me that spending my time worrying about a boogeyman (or boogeymen) who supposedly looms just around the dark corner, waiting to pounce on me. In this moment, right now, the only moment we have, everything is cool. Why go anywhere else in your mind?

In short, this requires you to live in the present and actively manage how you feel in any given moment. Many people say this is folly, foolish, maybe even dangerous. They believe that it's more responsible or more helpful to hem, haw, and worry. So be it. I've given up my need to convert anyone — we're all free to choose how we want to live.

But I'll say this in closing. A common goal (one that I have to) is financial freedom. But it's critical to remember that that freedom does not exist in a bank statement, an investment account, or in little slips of colored paper. True freedom exists in only one place: Your mind.

Why not choose that? Right now.