Drew Rozell, Ph.D.

Author and Coach

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The Power of Being Selfish: Michael Dean’s Mom

April 24, 2015 drewrozell Leave a Comment

Excerpt from The Drewsletter

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If you’ve read my books or blog posts for any time, you know that I am a strong advocate of the power of being selfish.

Certainly “selfish” is a label that most of us bristle at, usually because it’s been used as a weapon against us at some point. The potential shame of calling us selfish silently drives a great deal of human behavior.

Instead of taking the reigns of your life by following what feels better and trusting that this is the only path that leads to true happiness (instead of seething martyrdom), there’s a tendency to allow the preferences of others to dictate your choices.

In writing my book Let It Go, I discovered Oscar Wilde’s brilliant definition of selfishness:

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

***

IMG_2678
beach

 

My family just returned from a beach vacation in Florida.

As soon as the kids were up and fed, my family walked to the beach. A little boy named Michael Dean walked up to my son, wanting to play. I looked around for his parents and spotted his mom a hundred yards down the beach doing yoga.

Michael Dean was the same age as my son (4), so my first thought was to project my fears onto the situation.

I wouldn’t let Alex that far out of my sight on the beach…

One big wave is all it would take…

As the kids played together, I kept looking over at the mom to see if she noticed where her son was. I never saw her looking at her boy or acknowledge that my wife and I were acting as her de facto babysitters.

Nope. She was too focused on her damn warrior pose form to care about us.

 

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Drewsletter!

Ghosts in the Moonlight

February 19, 2015 drewrozell Leave a Comment

Ghosts in the moonlight
Ghosts in the moonlight

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Blog, Drewsletter!

Two new babies

October 19, 2010 drewrozell 57 Comments

Pumpkins in the fall

One year ago, I was ready for something new.

In fact, I’d been ready for a while…

I’d been coaching for a decade and a half and I’d worked with over 1000 clients in that time. I’d accomplished a lot in the field; I’d created many successful groups, programs, trainings, and delivered keynote talks at industry conferences. Doing what I do, I have been able to impact a lot of people’s lives in a positive way.

And that is a very cool thing…

While I am super proud of that fact, and that I’ve been able to create a life of freedom doing what I love, I’d fallen into a bit of a rut in my business. In short, I just wasn’t putting myself out there as much as I had in the past.

I do not think this was so much about sloth (though I was clearly coasting), as much as it was about clarity.

I’d been doing what I do for so long, that somewhere along the way, I lost my connection with where I was going.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

Things felt rather cloudy...

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How did this happen, I wondered? And more important, how did I get my sense of focus back?

I did not have an answer to the latter question. But as I thought about it, I got some insight to where I took my first steps off the path.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

Rejection[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]


Let me back my story up for a moment.

Writing a book has always been a goal of mine. And so a couple years ago, I got moving on this front. I got an agent. I got my ideas together and wrote page after page of proposals and revisions.

After months of months of consuming work, I had editors of major publishers who believed in me, fighting for me to get a deal done. Everything looked good.

And then in a week, after running my ideas through their marketing departments, they dropped me cold.

Sorry. Bye… in an e-mail. My agent moved on as well.

I’d expended massive amounts of  my energy writing hundreds of pages of material and trying to persuade these people that I belonged in their club. And in the end, they would not let me in.

This pissed me off, sure.

But as I look back now with a clearer eye, I can see how I allowed this experience to erode my confidence.

While I still knew I had a powerful message to offer people, the whispering began in the back of my mind…

Maybe I don’t have anything much to say?

Maybe nobody really cares…

Maybe I’ve been fooling myself this whole time…

Friends, readers, and family would ask me about my book and I would tell them my story as quickly as possible, trying not to stir up the sense of shame I felt at my failure.

While I did not want to admit it out of pride, I’d had the wind knocked out of me and some doubtful thoughts about myself. As a result, I just kind of began drifting along… doing what I’d done in the past, but not really sure where to direct my energy.

I found myself lacking something important; something I missed having —  a clear destination.

So my life moved on in a sort of limbo. Everything was good, but I wanted more. I did my best to make peace with the uncertainty of it all and just wait for clarity.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

Inspiration Returns[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]


So, back to last autumn…

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Old man of the desert.

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I traveled with my wife to a coaching and marketing event in Tuscon, AZ. While I used to attend such events all the time (in fact I met my wife at one), I’d not been to one in years. I’d just allowed myself to get out of the habit.

If you attend such events, or make the space in your life to surround yourself with like-minded people, you know the power of putting yourself in such environments.

I met with many vibrant people over the next few days. People who were up to something. People who had a clear direction.

And the seed of inspiration taking root within me again. I wanted my old fire back. I wanted to feel focused again.

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Ready to feel the light again.

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Returning from the desert, I felt the old spark of inspiration stirring, and I wanted it to catch flame.

I knew how I wanted to feel: I wanted to feel clear in my direction and clear in my message. I wanted to have everything that I do and offer to fit under a unified, authentic brand. I wanted things to be simple.

I knew what I wanted, but I did not know how to get there.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

The Leap[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]


Ready for the answers to the questions I’d been asking myself, I made a decision. I leaped.

I bucked up and invested in myself. In a big way.

Following the advice I’d doled out for years, I hired someone to coach me and to help me see everything I was missing.

While it all felt risky, I knew I wasn’t really buying my coach with my money. I was buying something better.

I was buying me. I was buying clarity. I was buying direction.

We would begin our coaching in the new year.

In the meantime…

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Christmas time 2009

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As Christmas rolled around, Karin informed me that I was to be a father.

Best. Christmas. Present. Ever.

Among the sounds of celebratory champagne glasses clinking, I heard the unmistakable TICK TOCK of a clock in the background.

With a baby on the way, we were playing for “keepsies” now. I needed to get clear and get going. Now.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

The Power of Permission[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

Vegas. Over the past year, I've been to Arizona, L.A., and Vegas (four times) to get coached.

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]I flew out to Vegas and met with my coach in March. I told him what I wanted from our meeting… the clarity, the direction, the brand.

Very quickly I began telling him my thoughts. I told him about my vision for Very Cool Life and the principles behind the concept.

I told him my story about how I’ve seen the world in this particular way since I was a little boy…

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Me emulating my boyhood hero, The Fonz. Appreciate that my dad took this photo to allow me to re-connect with myself.

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With the benefit of hindsight, I can now see what I really wanted from my coach that day.

I wanted his permission.

I wanted someone with no emotional attachment to my vision (and tremendous experience with marketing and brands) to give me his blessing. This sounds weird to me too, but after my experience with the big-time publishing world, this is the real reason I was sitting in his office.

This is my story. It’s all true. Can this be my brand? Pretty please?

Seven words from my coach (“I think you could totally do this”) and the dam cracked open. The doubts that I’d been carrying with me just disintegrated. I could see where I wanted to go again.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

I could see the path again. And I liked where it was going.

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]I finished the outline for my new book (I needed to start fresh) before my plane landed in New York State.

Within two months, I had completed writing it.

Most important, I really liked what I created. I found the more wrote, the clearer my thoughts became and the tighter my message.

In fact, I discovered that I had more than a book; I had entire system to share with people.

And so I continued creating…

In the meantime,

Still pregnant

With my son due at the end of the summer, I got into serious nesting mode.

I was possessed.

Energized by my newfound clarity, I began upgrading all of my environments (one of my messages in my book, The Very Cool Life Code: The 7 Keys for Unlocking a Life of Freedom, Ease and Connection).

I painted my entire house, including the garage. I cleaned out my office, throwing out old clients files and training tools I’d invested thousands on in the past. If it did not fit my new direction, it went in the dumpster. I literally threw out over a ton of stuff.

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Before...
After

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]I spent weeks sorting through everything I owned. I touched every thing in my possession and evaluated its place in my life.  I organized every computer file, I destroyed old ideas.

(I highly recommend this experience, but it is A LOT of work!)

The more I cleared, the clearer everything became. For the first time in my life, I had the ability and the desire to sit and plan out my upcoming year. The clarity was giving birth to feelings of simplicity.

With all my intense inward focus, I did not have much extra personal RAM. I was not connecting with my e-mail list much, and only throwing out the occasional blog post.

I hoped you’d wait for me. And I’d like to invite you to stick with me… because the best is yet to come![widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

Two Babies[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

My wife Karin, and son, Alex on his birthday. My favorite portrait.

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]My son Alex was born at the end of the summer.

Getting into the impact of that experience would turn this into an even longer post without scratching the surface. So I’ll just say it was very, very cool.

At the same time, my other baby emerged into the world.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

The cover of The Very Cool Life Code...

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]All the materials and planning for my program’s release are in the final stages. Turns out, writing the book is the easiest part. Putting everything together for a proper launch is quite an undertaking. Graphic design, websites, trademarks, recordings, videos… Massive!

(To give you a sneak preview, my new program is called The Very Cool Life™ Total Freedom System. It comes with three different books , 12 audio CDs, and will be supported by live gatherings — think Florida beach in February and gorgeous Vermont in the summer — and an awesome online community.)

Obviously, you can expect to hear more about the launch and such in the days ahead.

I’m very proud of what’s been created over the past year of my life and eager to share it with you…[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

New Light

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My life feels brighter than ever.

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]And so, this about wraps up my little (long) update.

Confusion to Decision to Rebirth.

I love the way clarity feels.

And focus.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

My boy. He's just starting to smile. What a reward!

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]Life is deeper and fuller than ever before. New dimensions. With more every day.

I like it all.[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]

Fall is here again

[widget id=”text-9″]text-9[/widget]I’ll be in touch soon and I hope your life feels very cool!

Blog, Current Events, Drewsletter!, Freedom, very cool life groups programs, industry conferences, latter question, major publishers, marketing departments, new babies

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