The trees in Steamboat Springs, CO are covered with snow. And so are the slopes! Unreal amount of snow. Thigh deep powder!

WELCOME

JANUARY 2008

Greetings…

I type this sitting on the couch, taking in some January sunshine that streams through the window. I just got back from a whirlwind trip to the West. I did a little work, a good lick of skiing and lots of exploring. I found myself in Steamboat Springs, CO (talk about snow!), Santa Fe, NM (a lovely little city), and in Taos, NM (always wanted to ski here — exceeded my high expectations).

I hope you’ll take a moment to check out my photos from the trip. They are in the post that follows this one.

Last month, I mentioned I’d have some new programs arriving in the New Year. The first one is here. Conscious Conversations (hopefully the name gives you some insight), begins January 24th. You can read more below, of course.

Also, if you’re ready to leave "good enough" behind for living into your true greatness, contact me and let’s have a chat. It’s what I do.

I hope you enjoy this month’s feature on lessons from the Coach. (It’s not what you think from the title!)

Thanks for reading!

P.S. I enjoy hearing your thoughts. Please share your comments below!

P.P.S. Last week, I put my book/program, Piles of Money on sale for $19. I will hold it at this price until Friday the 25th of January. Click the link to get your copy.

A LESSON FROM THE COACH

In the last hour before the sun ducked below the horizon on December 31st, the supermarket was flooded with shoppers preparing to celebrate the New Year and trying to beat the predicted snowstorm.

I found myself among these shoppers, on a mission for eggs, unsalted butter, and whatever else I felt inspired to pick up. I added flowers to the list (always worth a few bucks for the reaction and the beauty) as well as some good beer. We were expecting family for a tame get-together and you don’t want to be one short.

As I stood examining the flowers, looking for the freshest bunch with the most buds, he caught my eye.

At first I wasn’t sure if it was him. After all, I had not seen him in twenty years. I stole a few glances, trying to mask my curiosity. However when this technique failed to result in a positive ID, I resorted to outright staring.

Indeed, it was him.

Beneath a winter fedora, lightly covered in fresh snowflakes, and standing in practical but styleless black Old Man Shoes, we locked eyes. I saw no recognition behind his eyes and I maintained my blank expression. But as that familiar feeling of dread filled me, I broke contact and returned my gaze to the flowers. No, he didn’t recognize me. Why would he?

I rarely use the word hate. These days, I admonish my nephew when he tells me what he hates in life. But when I was seventeen years old, I hated this man who made his way towards the produce aisle.

For three summers working at the lake, he was my boss. Ironically, everyone called him "Coach" — the nickname a vestige of his years as a high school Phys Ed teacher. Back on the job, the employees had another name for him.

The Load.

As in, "Get ready, The Load is on the way down." Or, "The Load said we need to clean the windows before we leave today." I never asked what the nickname meant, it just seemed to fit. A small man, he ruled his roost with intimidation and bluster. As much as I am reluctant to admit it, I feared him. He’d seemingly appear out of the woodwork, always catching me in what he believed to be some sort of transgression.

Don’t lean on the counter!

Take your hand out of your pocket!

Don’t play with your key chain!

When I arrived home after my freshman year at the University of Florida, I figured I’d take a week or two off to relax and connect with friends before going to work. I arrived at my parents’ home at 11AM. By noon, the phone rang. Without the benefit of caller ID, I picked up the phone, shocked to hear Coach asking for me. Adrenaline rushing, I deepened my voice and said Drew would not be home for another two weeks. Coach never called again, and I eventually found other employment. To, this day I do not know how he knew when I was arriving.

Days with the Load started like this: Each morning as the clock in the office struck 9AM, the phone would ring. We employees would play a game of chicken, hopping around the back office, seeing who would break and pick up the morning check-in call from Coach. Usually, the most senior person on staff would get stuck with the job.

On one morning that’s burned into my memory, taking this call was my responsibility. I answered. In a gruff voice, Coach barked his expectations for the day. I jotted down notes to relate to the staff. Suddenly Coach’s voice began to echo. And then his voice got drowned out.

Was he…? Yes, he was. The Load was pissing while talking to me. He did not attempt to disguise his multi-tasking as the sound of the flushing toilet swallowed the rest of his instructions.

Disgusted, I hung up the phone. To me, his message was clear. I was a cog. A widget. A replaceable part. An employee. I hated that feeling. And I hated this man for treating me this way.

My relationship with Coach had begun when my aunt put the word in for me to get the job when I was 14 years old. She had worked with him at the local high school and her son had worked for Coach several years earlier. He had a reputation for paying his employees well and it was rare to find an employer at the lake who paid above minimum wage. There were even bonuses at the end of the summer. Word had gotten around. Coach didn’t have to advertise for help.

All of that ended twenty years ago when I did disguised my voice over the phone. However, through the years, almost every summer, I’d end up back at the lake. I’d pass the huge glass windows I’d spent hours of my life cleaning and I’d feel the bile of my resentment was still fresh. A few times, just for the nostalgia, I entered the business. And deep down, yes, the fear was still there. The fear of this little man.

And now, twenty years later, here was Coach. Coach and me. Me with my flowers and Coach with his black Old Man Shoes. I studied him, and indeed, the ensuing years had turned him into an old man. He walked steadily but deliberately with a hint of the shuffle to come. As I looked at him, I couldn’t help but think that the ‘ole pit bull had lost his teeth.

As I gathered up my items around the store, I thought back to my years around this man. Oddly enough, I found that my feelings of disdain for him were overshadowed by feelings of respect. Yes, he was a little old man now. But he still had the vitality to get himself to a busy store on a snowy afternoon. And didn’t that fedora gave him an air of distinction?

Looking beyond the perception of a teenager who ached for approval, the truth was that Coach had created a highly successful business with a loyal customer base. He had transcended his career as a gym teacher. He’d employed dozens of young men and paid them a fair wage. He leveraged his business success and bought local real estate that skyrocketed in value over the years. When I was under his employ, I’d been to his house (on occasion, he’d pull me away from the business to clean his pool — such a treat!) and I saw his three Cadillacs and the impressive home he had created for himself and his family. He had the chutzpah to take some big risks and they paid off handsomely for him.

Personally, I do not consider Coach to be a role model. And while I cannot say that I admire the man, I must admit that I respect him for what he created. He’s done more that most people will with their lives and when he leaves this world, he will leave a mark.

I am still a relatively young man and I know my best days are in front of me. At the same time, I grow more aware of how quickly the years and the decades pass. One day, before I know it, I will probably be wearing Old Man Shoes that completely eschew style for comfort.

And as I look back on my life, what will my legacy be? What will I have created? Will I reflect back on how I spent my days and feel a deep sense of satisfaction and pride?

Most important, will I have shared my true greatness with the world?

Seeing Coach reminded me the importance of asking myself these questions. And to my way of thinking, these are very important questions. For if you are not aware of your true greatness and continually and consciously moving further into that greatness, well, what are you doing with your time here?

As I thought about it, perhaps Coach’s nickname was not so ironic after all.

CONSCIOUS CONVERSATIONS with Drew and Jenn is ready to roll!

Begins on the 24th of January.

This will be a place for like-minded folk (conscious creators of very cool lives) to sit around the virtual fire, share a drink, and connect. More details on the linked page, but if you’re of the sort who like to learn, share, and laugh, I hope you’ll join us.

At the price ($40/mo.), I tried to make this a no-brainer for anyone with the desire….

Just look at what having Conscious Conversations did for this fellow….

                                  "BEFORE"                                                                                      "AFTER"

Details and registration link are here.

Topic for Call #1 — Trusting Yourself: Um, Like, How Do I Do That?
 

I’m a Lebowski, You’re a Lebowski… by several authors

Okay, The Big Lebowski is my favorite movie. I won’t try to explain the appeal (it would be like trying to tell you why baseball is entertaining). In order to fully appreciate this masterpiece, you’ll need to watch it a minimum of three times.  Anyhow, my Secret Santa, my sister-in-law Kristen bought me this book (along with a swell hat) and thus remains in my good graces.   B+ for a fan

Empire Falls by Richard Russo

Picked this up at the library after seeing Nobody’s Fool again (see below). Loved the movie so much that I figured I should read something this guy wrote. Absolutey love this book. Simply put, Russo is a brilliant writer. His characters pop off the page and many of his sentences make me stop reading just to admire his prose. Fiction this good has just as much power to teach you something as any nonfiction. A

Nobody’s Fool – I loved this movie when it first came out. I am a big fan of Paul Newman — both as an actor and a man. The setting of the story and the characters very much remind me of the small town where I grew up. A

Arenal Volcano in Costa Rica. This is the view from our balcony. The volcano has its own weahter system — the clouds dance around it constantly. I could have sat and watched it all day…

WELCOME!

December 2007

Ah, December…

As I type, the snow is falling outside my window. A harsh contrast from riding the seventy-five degree Pacific Ocean waves on a private beach in Costa Rica. Karin and I returned from our honeymoon earlier in the week. (You can read more about it and see some pictures in the post that follows this one). A bit strange to come back to snow and Christmas, but we’re adjusting and of course, no matter how great the vacation, it’s always nice to be home.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to offer your thoughts on my book title last month. There were some really great entries and a couple of the responses provoked me in a positive way. As a result, I came up with a new title and angle for the book. So, thank you! I will share more when a publisher says yes.

I hope you like the new format of the newsletter. I did my best to maintain the look and feel. Having it online makes it easier to distribute, allows you to comment (please do below!), expands possibilities (audio, video, etc.) and hopefully gets you in the habit of checking this blog!

Between marriage, launching the Very Cool Life Network last month, and my honeymoon, there’s been some big life events taking place lately. I am even in the process of revamping my Evolution Coaching site after a decade of serving me well. I think I’ll let the New Year roll around, then it’s time to get crankin’ again.

What’s coming up?

Many people who were unable to be a part of the VCLN group expressed a desire to be part of a community/discussion regarding the dynamics of living a very cool life. I love sharing what I know in this regard and will create such a group in January. We will meet over the phone, be very affordable, easy to join/leave, and open to all. Look for an announcement after the holidays. Perhaps I will see you there!

A quick note about coaching. I have two openings for January if this is the time for you to consciously upgrade your life. In my opinion, it’s always a good idea, but the timing has to be right for you to really benefit. If you’re feeling the pull of your desire to expand, contact me and let’s see if we can create something great together. If you check my new (and expanding) services page, you’ll get a sense of some of the options. Be conscious. Evolve. Upgrade. Improve.

I hope you enjoy this month’s feature on negotiating with yourself.

Okay, that’s enough for now… Time to put away the swimsuit and pull out the skis!

Wishing you and your family a fun and peaceful holiday…

P.S. I enjoy hearing your thoughts. Please share your comments below!

NO DEAL

The lactic acid in my hamstring burns through my body, up to my brain. Inside my head, my thoughts speak.

“ENOUGH! THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE. RELEASE FROM THIS STRETCH.”

At this moment, the trainer reminds me to clear my thoughts. Breathe, he says. Breathe deeper. Empty your mind. Hold the position.

I am in need of his coaching because the discomfort in my body is causing my attention to wander from my leg to my brain. I notice that inside my head, there’s a conversation taking place.

“Wow, this stretch is really uncomfortable.”

“Man, you got that right.”

“I’m just not as flexible as these folks on the screen.”

“Yeah, you’ve never been too flexible.”

The discomfort swells even further. The trainer says to hold the position for 10 more seconds.

“Hey, I’ve done pretty well here. At least I’m working out early in the morning. Most people are still in bed.”

“You are so right.”

And I release the stretch eight seconds before the trainer does.

“Better than not stretching at all,” my inner voice adds.

As I continue through my workout, the same conversation plays out and I usually fall short of my goal to keep up with the trainer.

A few days later, I was doing some movements with my Tai Chi instructor Rich. Rich was coaching me on getting deeper into my postures. Yes, this is where the discomfort lies, Rich said, but he added that with no discomfort, there was no benefit.

Rich continued speaking to me, sharing the lesson his master had shared with him.

“Stop negotiating with yourself,” he said. “When you negotiate with your thoughts, you begin to compromise.”

The meaning of his words took root as I was holding that stretch. Indeed, there was a conversation going on in my head. Back and forth. In fact, it was a negotiation between what I really wanted (to do the workout completely) and what I thought I could have (to do a good job “for me”). The more I paid attention, the more I saw the same pattern: As soon as the discomfort hit I went right to my head and the talks began.

The result of those negotiations was always the same: I settled for less than I really desired.

The fact is that when you engage in this sort of negotiation, you have invited your ego to sit at the head of the table. And when given attention, your ego is a powerful seducer. Keep in mind, your ego is not the real you; it is a collection of your beliefs and conditioning. Your ego represents who you have been. Your ego is not who you are or who you can be. Those definitions are determined in the now.

Far and away, the biggest challenge we have in creating the coolest version of our lives is allowing our desires to come into our experience. That seems odd, and it is. But indeed, it’s your old patterns of thinking that cut your deepest desires off at the knees. Those old patterns are your ego.

The stickiest thing about your ego is that unless you are actively looking to notice its influence on your life, it will remain and operate at an unconscious level. And you will continue to create in your life by default. You cannot change what you experience and create until you actively choose to become more aware in your life. Of course, much like working out to create a more flexible body, this will require your effort and attention. However, in my experience, the benefits far outweigh any perceived costs (and with time, the benefits are so great, the very notion of “costs” disappears.)

Shine the light of awareness on the places your ego has been blindly leading you. A good place to start is to begin to notice where you negotiate with yourself. Notice the conversations that take place in your head shortly after feeling the spark of desire arise within you.

“Oh, but I couldn’t afford that.”

“She’d never be interested in me.”

“Someday I’ll take that risk.”

I still find those hamstring stretches difficult. I do not always hold the pose for as long as the trainer. But by noticing the voices that play in the old tapes, I am able to shift my attention away from those thoughts and onto my desire. My results are much better.

In creating your life, remember the old saying, “You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.”

Perhaps another way to put it is that you deserve to stop negotiating with yourself.

When you’re at the airport in Costa Rica and you’re not in the mood for a Stephen King book, Marley and Me stands out. Especially if you love dogs and there’s an oohh-so-cute blonde lab puppy on the cover. This book sold over 3 million copies and it made for decent enough reading on the plane. However, I’m not sure any of it will stay with me beyond a week and I could not shake the feeling I had read a better version of this story many times over. C

This one jumped up at me in the Vermont bookstore. It sat around for a few months before I threw it into my bag for vacation. The subtitle is: A true story of bank heists, ice hockey, Transylvanian pelt smuggling, moonlighting detectives, and broken hearts. That hooked me and the book lived up to the billing. A-