It's raining out.

Pissing rain, to be more precise.

Overcast. Cold. Rainy.

Gray.

My mood and my energy level reflect the scene outside my window.

Things start with promise. I wake early, feed the dogs and cats, fix my coffee/cocoa/maple syrup blend (try it), and hop on my computer to finish up my book proposal.

The words come out for a while.

Then I start to feel stoned. Like I cannot think straight. Or wake up.

I do jumping jacks. I drink a "green drink" for a boost of energy. I slap myself in the face a few times. Nothing makes a difference. I just ain't got no juice today, it seems.

The more I fight against it, the more I push against this wall that won't budge, the further I descend. So I'm going to stop pushing. The very idea brings up some weird feelings. Like not pushing is dangerous in a way. Things will fall apart if I'm not DOING something. I'll never get where I'm supposed to be if I don't finish this proposal… and on. And on.

Enough.

I try to remember the last time I felt this way.

This certainly wasn't the last time, but it's what I remember right now.

I live in Seattle. It's November, just before Thanksgiving. The day is overcast. Rainy. Cold. Gray. I am driving home from the grocery store. Alice in Chains, the Seattle-based grunge band, plays on the radio. The song has their signature melodic darkness and perfectly captures the feeling of the day. A fan of their music for years, on this day, driving through the ocean of gray, I know where the band got the inspiration for their sound.

I want out of this place. I want out of the clouds and pissing rain. I want warmth instead of the damp that fills my bones. I want sunshine. I want beauty. I do not want to feel so lonely/separate/dark.

But the clouds were not going anywhere that day.

And neither was I.

I don't remember exactly what happened after that.

But I do know that eventually, the sun came out.

 

(If you're curious about Alice In Chains, you can check them here. Yes, they have a dark tinge to them, somewhere inside us, don't we all?)

 

before the Thanksgiving holiday — a favorite of mine — a few pix

the clouds and brightness of early november

 

to burn/shred. but first, a nap.

  headin' for the highway

snow in the hills of mid-november

when we're excited little birds

around the feeder

the cat's indifferent

or just furious

it seems that he's never neither

(from "Thugs" by the Tragically Hip)

chickadee at the feeder, 6 feet from where I type this
 

Ah, we're midway through November.

A week away from U.S. Thanksgiving.

Two weeks away from my honeymoon in Costa Rica.

Some random thoughts to catch up…

I see the first snow of the season on the mountains today. It was spitting a few flakes this morning. Some people do not care for the cold. However, I dig it as it makes me feel more alive. Before you know it, I'll have long boards strapped to my feet as a zip down a mountain.

Am especially looking forward to skiing this year. I've been working out — as hard as I've ever worked out — for the last month. The results are not jaw dropping, but I feel them. I know my legs feel as strong as they ever have. And I know my body feels great every morning when I wake up. The program I'm on lasts at least another two months. It's never easy getting through the workouts, but it feels too good to stop. I know my stamina on the mountain will be better. If you ever want to meet up at Stratton in Vermont for the day, let me know… I usually end up skiing alone.

My Very Cool Life Network kicked off with a 3 day workshop last weekend. Loved it. Loved the people. Loved the vibe. Loved the work. Connected. I hope to share this with many, many more people. Maybe even you…

The woodstove is kicking in the great room. Nothing like wood heat. Between the workouts and the early darkness, I find I'm conking out by 9 o'clock or so. Cuts down on my reading, but I enjoy the sleep.

Speaking of the woodstove, I cleaned out the ashes last Sunday and threw them in a ditch that carries the water that runs off from the hill. I had an inkling, but I ignored it (I was in a hurry to get out of the house). About thirty minutes later, the adrenaline kicked in when I saw the smoke outside. Things were dry out there and the wind was blowing. An ember caught on the leaves and we had FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!!

I tore out of the house barefoot. The hose would not reach and had frozen overnight anyway. I started yelling to Karin about BUCKETS! BUCKETS! BUCKETS, DAMMIT! The fire had blackened a patch about 20 feet long and was spreading back in the woods. I'd fill half a bucket, run the hundred feet to the fire, and take careful aim not to miss my target. This pyrotechnic fun lasted only a few minutes, but the event stayed with me for an hour or two. I later named Karin deputy chief for her cool head. Gotta respect firemen. Cannot imagine being in that line of work (or an ER), but I am glad those people exist.

Got our wedding pix. Waiting for the digital copies to post some here. You think I would have gotten in shape BEFORE the big day. But I suppose we're not ready until we're ready.

I should have a newsletter out soon. It's written. Waiting on some techie dudes to fix a glitch for me.

Which reminds me… yup, I'm in full stream of consciousness mode here…

This is going to be the year where I stop doing all the stuff I'm not great at/ isn't worth my time. I spend my time doing waaay too much stuff that I can hire out much more cheaply. I don't know if it's my ego thinking I'm the only one that can do it right (yup, that's it, Drew) or what. Weeks ago an outdoor light that illuminates my driveway stopped working. I spent at least two hours trying to fix it. Still doesn't work. Finally called a guy to look at it — a ground wire — will cost me $20 or so. In my life and in my business, I spend too much time trying to learn things I have zero interest in. Time to change that and invest the money to pay other people. It's what I would tell any of my clients… Physican, heal thyself…

Karin's gone for the weekend. She's doing a talk in NYC. So it's me and the critters. This weekend, I crush what's left of the book proposal. I think I've nailed it. Thanks again to the people who've played with my polls!

May you have a wonderful weekend and I'll be in touch with that newsletter soon.

Oh, isn't that little map on the right side showing where people visit from cool? Just need someone from Antarctica to hit all the continents. So if you take a trip there, remember to check this blog, okay?

best,

d

So it's raining outside today.

A hard, cold, October rain. Leaves fly from the trees to the ground. We're past the peak (weeks late this year) for foliage color. Soon everything will be bare. Soon after, the snow will fly.

With today's rain, it was a perfect day to play with this blog. New header. New font. Blog entries are on the front page now. Mixin' things up, as is my wont.

Some autumn pix to share before I head off to a friend's house to catch a World Series game.

 

                    sunrise with a wee bit o' frost on the ground

 

                              the morning is on fire

 

                          a brilliant late afternoon from the porch

 

Wishing you a very cool day…

 

If you read my newsletter, you know this never got played at my wedding… but for the record, here's my list:

1) I Want You to Want Me — Cheap Trick

2) Elevation — U2

3) All Mixed Up — 311

4) Float On — Modest Mouse

5) Big Sky Country — Chris Whitley

6) Dance the Night Away — Van Halen

7) Wish Upon a Dog Star –  Satellite Party featuring Perry Farrell

8 ) Honey — Moby

9) Last Goodbye — Jeff Buckley

10) Bittersweet Symphony — The Verve

11) Dance Naked — John Mellencamp

12) Little Bit of Soul — King's X

13) You're My Best Friend — Queen

14) Do You Realize? — The Flaming Lips

15) Mandinka — Sinead O'Connor

16) You've Got the Music in You — New Radicals

17) Wonderwall — Oasis

18) Shine — Collective Soul

19) In My Life — The Beatles

20) Paralyzer — Finger Eleven

21) Tangled Up In Blue — Bob Dylan

22) Crazy — Seal

23) What I Got — Sublime