In Miami Beach with Karin. She’s presenting, doing her thing and it’s fun to tag along, and bask in the respective glows of two bright stars, the sun and my wife.

For a pale country fella who tends to groove to thundering bass lines and ripping guitars, the sun-drenched techno beats and flash of Miami (I’ve never seen so many Bentleys) make for some fascinating people watching. 

While my wife was dining with clients, I made my way to watering hole to catch the NCAA basketball games and enjoy a Guinness on Sunday evening. I have no problem going out alone, but I’m not the type to initiate conversations. I am fine sitting alone, but I find that more often than not someone approaches me for conversation. My love for these interactions is what led me to become a psychologist.

A large, heavily tattooed man got a drink next to where I was sitting at the bar. After getting his beer, he turned to me and said, “Don’t you hate that?”

A winning opening line, I thought. First, I had no clue what he was talking about. Second, he thought we could bond over our mutual disdain for some aspect of life.

Of course, I bit.

“What’s that now?” I asked.

“Don’t you hate that?” he repeated. He went on to explain something about tipping and how when you have just one extra single, it’s better to just give that to the bartender. Honestly, I had no clue what the man was talking about. I was still fascinated by his question.

As we enter into a new era of personal responsibility, it’s clear to me that most people are clueless as to how they think. In my work, I find that more people than ever are open to accepting that the law of attraction works — that their thoughts have the power to create their lives. 

However, these same people will then be clueless as to why they never make much progress in changing what they attract. I’ve come to the realization that people are unaware of their own thoughts. The law of attraction is just as consistent as the law of gravity — it’s just how things work. Yet when people feel stuck in their lives, or do not like what they manifest, suddenly there’s a problem with the law, not themselves. 

The habit is to skip right over taking a good hard look at one’s patterns of thought (this is partly because the patterns are so deeply ingrained to be accepted as “normal”), and stay mired in confusion, wondering if “this power of thought stuff really works.”

So what does this have to do with the guy at the bar?

In my mind, I just find it wild that someone would start a conversation with “Don’t you hate it…?” And yet, when you start to look for this kind of thinking, you’ll start to notice how prevalent it is. People complain all the time. About the weather. About the stock market. About the government. Whatever. It’s just an easy (unconscious) way to relate to one another. 

“This weather sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Can you believe how expensive that is?” 

“Don’t you hate that?”

It seems innocuous, but the greater truth is that complaining is super unattractive. From the physics perspective, you only attract more to complain about. (My friend at the bar did not strike me as the happiest dude with the easiest life). And beyond the physics, you know what? I’d really prefer not to be around you. The only people drawn to you will be other Negative Nellies who like to commiserate. 

Complaining is not speaking the truth about things. It’s just a habit. One that does nothing to serve you and masks the real issue — your conditioned negative thinking.

So take responsibility for your thoughts. And choose something better.

 

P.S. See you on the beach. I’m the guy wrapped in clothing, under the big white hat.