Did Jesus heal the sick?
Or did he simply not see people as sick, but rather chose to focus upon their wellness instead, powerfully inviting them to rejoin their own sense of alignment and well-being?
I don’t really know, ‘cuz I wasn’t there…
But the latter thought resonates much more strongly within me.
This comes up because of a coaching conversation I had the other day. Listening to my friend, she told me through her tears that she was “lost.”
Her words were full of deep despair. In all of our conversations, I’d never heard her so far down the rabbit hole.
I knew she was sharing her feelings with me for one reason: she wanted relief. She wanted to FEEL BETTER. And my job is to facilitate this process the best way I can.
Years earlier in my coaching career, I would have sat back and “held the space” (whatever that means) for her to have her moment, to dwell in the despair she was feeling. That’s what my coach training offered as the “right” approach.
So, I would have let her cry. Feel bad for as long as she needed… And then hope I could soothe her in some small way before our time was up.
I find that I can’t do that anymore.
It just doesn’t feel right. In fact, it feels jumping-out-of-my-skin WRONG to me.
After emphasizing her “lostness” to me again, she asked me what I would do if I were in her situation.
My reply burst out of me with a force equal to her despair.
“I would NEVER fucking let those words come out of my mouth…EVER!”
And I would not. If something does not feel good to say, then it’s never in your best interests to say, no matter how “true” it may be in that moment.
I chose those words (and my tone) to convey that I could only see her as healthy, happy, aligned, and wealthy. Anything else was total, insufferable bullshit. I would not/could not tolerate her continuing to see herself as less that who she really is.
I wondered for a second if I’d crossed a line, but the thought quickly passed. I offered what felt true, and this is what feels most aligned to me.
We got off the phone shortly thereafter. Nothing felt especially resolved. There was no neat little bow to that tied everything up nice and pretty. It was simply time to go.
A few days later, she dropped me an e-mail, thanking me. She told me that my words were among the most helpful she’d ever heard. She wrote that she “felt alive again.”
I share the story not as an attempt to have you confuse me with Jesus (though this occasionally happens at airports and bowling alleys), but rather to make the point that the most powerful thing that you can offer someone else is your alignment.
Not your pity. Not your sympathy. Not your commiseration.
Of course, in order to do this, it requires you to take charge of your own alignment and to selfishly make how YOU feel your number one priority.
If you’re not aligned, you’re not really helping anyone else as much as you might tell yourself.
(My client did not respond to the words I said. She responded to the way I was seeing her. Looking back to my old coaching style of a decade ago, when I “held the space” for people to tell me how miserable some aspect of their lives were, they would come back and tell me the exact same story during our next session. Nothing ever changed much.)
If you really want to help people (yourself included), remember that what you DO is far less important than how you choose to SEE things.
Choose alignment and you will attract and evoke the best from the people and situations around you.
P.S. If you wish to learn more about this concept, consider getting my book, The Very Cool Life Code. This topic falls under Key #5 of the code, “Act From Alignment.” Or better yet, come meet me in person to discuss the concept live in Burlington, Vermont for my next U.P.G.R.A.D.E. weekend!