I woke up about 15 minutes ago.
The first thing I noticed upon waking is that I was wearing a ring on my finger. In fact, that’s been the first thing to cross my consciousness each morning since Karin slipped the band on me last Saturday. I’ve never worn any jewelry, not even a watch, so I think that probably has something to do with it. Well that, and the fact that I’m married now. The ring is not uncomfortable, just different.
In short, out wedding was fabulous. The weather was lovely, Karin looked absolutely stunning, and the setting was perfect. We’re waiting for pictures (if you have any good ones, send them).
Our wedding was a “destination wedding” – not because we planned it that way, but because there’s really no easy way to get to Vermont and the vast majority of our guests were from out of town. In fact, it was quite an international gathering. We had guests from Canada, England, France, Switzerland, and Germany (once again I was reminded that I really need to brush up on my French). So many people came in for several days and there were several opportunities to mingle and meet each other.
As the wedding approached, everyone seemed to ask me the same question.
“Are you nervous?”
People seemed surprised when I answered that yes…yes I was a bit nervous.
I could feel the energy rising within me several days before the wedding. I usually sleep the sleep of the dead, but I was restless for several nights leading up to the event. I also felt my emotions wrangling to break free, just below the surface. I thought about my parents a lot. I thought about their lives and their deaths. I thought about them never meeting Karin. I always feel their presence, but my wedding reminded me of their absence.
The wedding took place in Manchester, Vermont. I made the 35 minute drive from our house to the wedding site alone. As I drove the country roads, I saw homemade signs on the side of the road.
“Just five more miles!”
“Three more miles”
“Just around the bend!”
So it’s Day 6 of my marriage…
To be honest, I have no idea what it means to be married. I can tell you what I promised in my vows, but the simple truth is that I have never been married before. I suspect there’s no way to know what marriage is really all about until life unfolds. From my understanding, at the heart of marriage is love. I feel like I am a student of love – like a freshman in high school, surrounded by bigger kids who all ready know their way around the building. I know I have a lot to learn, but I am excited to be where I am.
And I am thrilled to have Karin by my side.
“To be honest, I have no idea what it means to be married.”
It’s different for everyone, but I can tell you what it meant for me. My s/o lived together before we got married so I assumed it wouldn’t be much different. Boy, was I wrong.
The difference, a very small thing that changed everything, was that I felt equally responsible for them as I did for myself. Before it was, “hey – we’re adults and s/o can take care of themself”. Afterwards I was keenly aware that we were partners, in all things, and I was an advocate for both my s/o and our marriage.
All-in-all I had an increased feeling of all-consuming tenderness.
Drew…I’m so very happy for you and your wife. I could sense your excitment and anxiousness as you drove to your wedding. What a blessing to have a half hour of private time before people who’ve come into your life over the many years celebrate with you the love you have for a special woman. I treasure those moments as much as I do being with loved ones. Can’t wait to see some pics. The fall foliage must be at its peak – geez that’s gorgeous. Much love.
Mary Ann
thanks for your thoughts Hayden and Mary Ann…
@H: We have lived together too, for 3 years. So far, that doesn’t feel different. I do feel the partner-thing more. And the intimacy thing.
@MA: I don’t think I’ll soon forget that drive. It was good to be alone. Not easy, but good. A favorite song of mine, “Midlife Crisis” by Faith No More came on the satellite radio. I am sure every time I hear that from now on, I will remember…
thanks!
d
Your blog is awesome! I am new here, but could not find your book. Is it still being written/published? Congratulations on getting married! I just wanted to tell you that the first year of marriage is a doozy, even if you’ve been together for a long time. But then it gets really really good!!!!!!! I’ve been with my husband 6 years, married for 5, and we are better friends now than ever. it keeps getting richer and richer, and I find that we never get bored with each other (which is a total surprise, and the opposite of how I thought it would be). Our first year married, we almost got divorced twice! But then we kept saying, no, let’s just stay together, and see what happens. Let’s have trust in each other during this trying time. GLAD WE DID!!!!!
anyways. back to reading your blog. ps: I went to Champlain college, back in 86-88, then lived in Stowe, then lived in McIndoe Falls. Love Vermont.
Duh. Your book is right there!!! Oooops. The image made me think it was CD’s or a DVD package.
Hi Lisa — greet to meet you and I enjoyed your site too!
Piles of Money is my e-book (it’s pretty cool), but I am referring to my book that is forthcoming (published in the traditional way).
As for the marriage, we’ve lived together for 3 years and have been “married” in every sense. So I wonder if things will be that different? Of course, I don’t know… 🙂
And I love Vermont too!
thanks for coming aboard,
drew