Drew Rozell, Ph.D.

Author and Coach

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Marriage: Day 6

October 5, 2007 drewrozell 6 Comments

I woke up about 15 minutes ago.

The first thing I noticed upon waking is that I was wearing a ring on my finger. In fact, that’s been the first thing to cross my consciousness each morning since Karin slipped the band on me last Saturday. I’ve never worn any jewelry, not even a watch, so I think that probably has something to do with it. Well that, and the fact that I’m married now. The ring is not uncomfortable, just different.

In short, out wedding was fabulous. The weather was lovely, Karin looked absolutely stunning, and the setting was perfect. We’re waiting for pictures (if you have any good ones, send them).  

Our wedding was a “destination wedding” – not because we planned it that way, but because there’s really no easy way to get to Vermont and the vast majority of our guests were from out of town. In fact, it was quite an international gathering. We had guests from Canada, England, France, Switzerland, and Germany (once again I was reminded that I really need to brush up on my French). So many people came in for several days and there were several opportunities to mingle and meet each other.

As the wedding approached, everyone seemed to ask me the same question.

“Are you nervous?”

People seemed surprised when I answered that yes…yes I was a bit nervous.

I could feel the energy rising within me several days before the wedding. I usually sleep the sleep of the dead, but I was restless for several nights leading up to the event. I also felt my emotions wrangling to break free, just below the surface. I thought about my parents a lot. I thought about their lives and their deaths. I thought about them never meeting Karin. I always feel their presence, but my wedding reminded me of their absence.

The wedding took place in Manchester, Vermont. I made the 35 minute drive from our house to the wedding site alone. As I drove the country roads, I saw homemade signs on the side of the road.

“Just five more miles!”

“Three more miles”

“Just around the bend!”

“You made it! Welcome home from Iraq, Stan!”
 
As I drove past the little farm house, adorned with American flags and a cornfield full of cars, I imagined the celebration that was about to take place at this homecoming and the emotions that had been building inside of me found their release. Tears cooled my cheeks. I was happy for Stan. I was happy for his family. I was happy for me. In a few minutes, I would be surrounded by a hundred people, all there to celebrate with me.
 
I was most nervous about crying during my vows. Karin and I sometimes play a game where we sit together and state 3 things that we love about each other. I always mist up when I tell her what I love about her. I am not ashamed of my expression of emotion – quite the contrary – I consider the degree to which I feel things to be a tremendous gift. That said, I did not want snot running out of my nose when I told my bride what she means to me.
 
My concern faded as soon as I saw Karin emerge on top of the hill. She looked like a goddess descending Mount Olympus in her flowing gown. I felt a sense of calm (and maybe pride?) as she walked toward me. I felt the calmness deepen as we joined hands and the words came easily. We were husband and wife.
 
Karin and I do not leave for a honeymoon (Costa Rica) until December. But we did take the week off to spend time with friends and family. My brother Ned, his wife, and their one-year old baby Anna left our house yesterday. So did one of my best friends, Alex, and his girlfriend Lauren.
 
Alex lives in England and Ned and his family call Alaska home. As a Projector*, as soon as they pulled out of our driveway, I felt like someone had pulled the plug on the party. I love these people very much. I want them around me all the time. And now they were leaving and I have no idea when I will see them again. I knew it would all pass quickly, so I wasn’t surprised by that. I just wish everyone lived closer and that we could spend more time together.

So it’s Day 6 of my marriage…

To be honest, I have no idea what it means to be married. I can tell you what I promised in my vows, but the simple truth is that I have never been married before. I suspect there’s no way to know what marriage is really all about until life unfolds. From my understanding, at the heart of marriage is love. I feel like I am a student of love – like a freshman in high school, surrounded by bigger kids who all ready know their way around the building. I know I have a lot to learn, but I am excited to be where I am.

And I am thrilled to have Karin by my side.

 

* My being a Projector refers to my Human Design. This is a system of knowledge that will tell you from the genetic level how you are really built to operate and what you need to watch out for. This information has helped me tremendously so I share it whenever I can. If you’d ever like an hour-long reading, I am happy to give them. Just contact me.
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Comments

  1. Hayden Tompkins says

    October 5, 2007 at 10:43 am

    “To be honest, I have no idea what it means to be married.”

    It’s different for everyone, but I can tell you what it meant for me. My s/o lived together before we got married so I assumed it wouldn’t be much different. Boy, was I wrong.

    The difference, a very small thing that changed everything, was that I felt equally responsible for them as I did for myself. Before it was, “hey – we’re adults and s/o can take care of themself”. Afterwards I was keenly aware that we were partners, in all things, and I was an advocate for both my s/o and our marriage.

    All-in-all I had an increased feeling of all-consuming tenderness.

    Reply
  2. Mary Ann says

    October 5, 2007 at 10:47 am

    Drew…I’m so very happy for you and your wife. I could sense your excitment and anxiousness as you drove to your wedding. What a blessing to have a half hour of private time before people who’ve come into your life over the many years celebrate with you the love you have for a special woman. I treasure those moments as much as I do being with loved ones. Can’t wait to see some pics. The fall foliage must be at its peak – geez that’s gorgeous. Much love.

    Mary Ann

    Reply
  3. drew says

    October 8, 2007 at 3:23 pm

    thanks for your thoughts Hayden and Mary Ann…

    @H: We have lived together too, for 3 years. So far, that doesn’t feel different. I do feel the partner-thing more. And the intimacy thing.

    @MA: I don’t think I’ll soon forget that drive. It was good to be alone. Not easy, but good. A favorite song of mine, “Midlife Crisis” by Faith No More came on the satellite radio. I am sure every time I hear that from now on, I will remember…

    thanks!

    d

    Reply
  4. Lisa Natoli says

    October 14, 2007 at 6:55 am

    Your blog is awesome! I am new here, but could not find your book. Is it still being written/published? Congratulations on getting married! I just wanted to tell you that the first year of marriage is a doozy, even if you’ve been together for a long time. But then it gets really really good!!!!!!! I’ve been with my husband 6 years, married for 5, and we are better friends now than ever. it keeps getting richer and richer, and I find that we never get bored with each other (which is a total surprise, and the opposite of how I thought it would be). Our first year married, we almost got divorced twice! But then we kept saying, no, let’s just stay together, and see what happens. Let’s have trust in each other during this trying time. GLAD WE DID!!!!!

    anyways. back to reading your blog. ps: I went to Champlain college, back in 86-88, then lived in Stowe, then lived in McIndoe Falls. Love Vermont.

    Reply
  5. Lisa Natoli says

    October 14, 2007 at 6:58 am

    Duh. Your book is right there!!! Oooops. The image made me think it was CD’s or a DVD package.

    Reply
  6. drew says

    October 15, 2007 at 12:22 pm

    Hi Lisa — greet to meet you and I enjoyed your site too!

    Piles of Money is my e-book (it’s pretty cool), but I am referring to my book that is forthcoming (published in the traditional way).

    As for the marriage, we’ve lived together for 3 years and have been “married” in every sense. So I wonder if things will be that different? Of course, I don’t know… 🙂

    And I love Vermont too!

    thanks for coming aboard,

    drew

    Reply

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