One day, I hope to reach the place in my life where I do not need or care whether or not someone else appreciates me.
I’m not there yet.
And because of this, it’s not unusual for me to get a bit twisted when I feel like someone has failed to acknowledge a kindness.
The other day, I held the door for a family of four as they walked out of a restaurant. They passed through the doorway as though they were the queen and king with the prince and the princess in tow. Not one of them seemed to notice me, their humble man-servant.
I couldn’t resist shooting to the father, “Oh, you’re quite welcome,” in response to the thank you that never came as he and his brood strode away. (Still, no awareness of the man-servant).
I recognize that the issue is mine, of course.
The truth is, that by expecting a thank you,
1) You’re less likely to get one.
2) You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
3) You’re the one who pays the price by getting upset at any perceived snub.
So, ideally, it’s best to give up expecting someone to say thank you. I know doing so would make my life easier and I am working on it!
Okay, that said, never underestimate the power of those two words. Thank. You.
People — frail creatures that we are — love to feel appreciated.
Talking to my man-friends, the number one complaint I hear is that they do not feel appreciated by the women in their lives. They do not need much (or so they tell me), just an occasional word that acknowledges their efforts and expresses appreciation. A “thank you” every now and again. (I’ll guess that the same applies to many women out there as well).
Why not focus on being extra aware of the people closest to us? To express our appreciation… To say thank you for that which we take for granted…?
Yesterday I received a handwritten note in the mail from a woman who reads my newsletter. She said she wanted to thank me, that over the years some things I’d written had inspired her to make some changes in her life.
Her unexpected note lifted me out of my chair. Brightened my whole day. Probably took her four minutes. I wrote her back, telling her how much I appreciated her for appreciating me. I am certain she felt good about herself, sending me her note. I know I felt good dropping hers in the mail today. We both win.
The more you look for things to appreciate in people, the more things you will attract into your life that evoke that feeling of appreciation.
Expressing a heart-felt thank you to someone is a great place to start.
Oh, and thank you for reading this…
thank you Drew for sharing. I appreciate you reminding us to acknowledge each other’s value.
Thank you for writing this. And thank you for having stellar timing… because I needed to read this tonight.
Hey Drew, thanks for sharing your insights. They always seem to be in sync with what I’m experiencing in my life — or something that I need to look at. It certainly is nice to be appreciated and to show that appreciation for others. And how awesome it is to feel that wonderful feeling inside even when others aren’t able, or do not choose, to show that appreciation for us.
Hi Drew,
I found your article very interesting as I used to often feel that way when I voluntarily did something nice for someone else. Then…I read an article by a friend of mine, about knowing why your giving, and since then I am seldom bothered if anyone acknowledges my littled kindnesses or not–in fact, I’m often surprised when they do as I usually have no attachment to them. To paraphrase my friend, when we do something from the place of expectation of acknowledgement then we are not being altruistic and it’s coming from ego. But if we are clear about why we’re giving and that it’s from a place of peace then we can give without expectation. This has cleared a lot of mental space for me as well as I now don’t automatically put up my hand and volunteeer. I think about why I want to volunteer and if it’s from a place of pure giving (and I have the time and space in my life to do it easily and peacefully) then I can say “yes!”.
Although, I should also say that recently I’ve had tough times working with a Manager who “never” gave any atta boys/girls and I found that hard to work daily with. So…the power of a “thank you” is definately very strong. I do try to say “thank you” often as I try to live from a grateful place as well.
Hope this makes sense and I don’t sound contradictory (because it’s not in my head) ;o).
And, so many thanks to you for your insights–I’ve been receiving them for several years and have gained a lot of insights, “aha’s”, etc from you.
No Problem….I mean…..Your Welcome bro…and thank you for the inspiration.