May 9, 2008

The Drewsletter May 2008 :: The Creamy Middle

"THE CREAMY MIDDLE"

MAY 2008

Drew Rozell, Ph.D. partners with a select number of dynamic individuals, groups, and progressive companies who understand the value of raising their level of awareness to deliberately create the coolest version of their lives and businesses.
"This stuff works"

This shot with the reflections of the daisies in the droplets is better than any shot I took this month. The dude takes some great photos…

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WELCOME

May 2008

Boom boom boom!

The warm weather is finally here after a long winter. Everything is in booming, blooming, alive, and growing.

There's a buzz in the air and it's not just the sound of my new chainsaw clearing the trees and brush around my property. Feels good indeed.

The softball season is underway (we're 0-3, but really finding ourselves as a team) and Yankees baseball is my companion on the radio (they are finding themselves as well).

I hope this finds you well and feeling vibrant.

Thank you for reading this month's newsletter, THE CREAMY MIDDLE and you are most welcome to share your thoughts!

P.S. Thanks for sharing this with your like-minded friends and family. You can always point them to drewrozell.com or evolutioncoaching.com.

THE CREAMY MIDDLE

In creating a very cool life, most people think the ultimate goals are to manifest more stuff and to always make "good" things happen.

Sure, we'd all like that place on the beach or that ski house (or both) while having massive amounts of income float into our bank accounts while we play in the warm sunshine.

Nothing wrong with any of that.

But let's not mistake these sorts of things as being the end goal of a very cool life.

'Cuz they ain't.

A very cool life is not about what you do. Or how much you have. And it's certainly not about how respected or famous you are…

A very cool life is all about how you feel. It's a way of being.

Think about it. Your life cannot be very cool if you do not feel good physically and emotionally. I became acutely aware of the preciousness of my physical well-being as a nasty virus knocked me on my back recently. Likewise, when considering the importance of your emotional health, think of it this way… I’d guess Eliot Spitzer, Amy Winehouse, or Roger Clemens have more money and fame than you. So, if you could, would you trade places with them? Didn’t think so.

Upon closer inspection, a cool life has nothing to do with the external measures we are conditioned to believe denote “success.” Rather, a very cool life hinges on your ability to manage how you feel at any given moment. The more proficient you are at this skill set (yes, it is a skill set and yes, you can learn it), the cooler your life will be.

Though it’s easy to forget, everyone has problems. Life is designed to add some curve balls to the mix (along with some nasty splitters in the dirt) just to make sure you're still engaged, still learning, still evolving. This is just the nature of life and no one is immune to the intense experiences of being human.

In light of this fact, the critical (but easily overlooked question) to ask yourself is this: How well-prepared am I to handle the emotional intensity of life?

In order to arrive at an honest answer for yourself, it’s a good idea to get an objective look at your patterns of behavior when life doesn’t appear to going your way.

How do you tend to respond?

Do you fill with anger and spit venom at the world? Do you feel the urge to escape, hoping that if you run and hide long enough, everything will work out? Do you freak out, diving headfirst into the vortex of drama, and become a histrionic slave to your emotions? Do you let thoughts of fear and anxiety wash over you? Or, do you maintain your equilibrium and stay cool?

Certainly, the latter is the most attractive option.

So if the secret to creating very cool life is about consciously managing how you feel, why isn’t this the top priority for every person on the planet?

I think there are a few basic reasons. First, we’re not in the habit of looking inward and taking full ownership of our well-being. Simply, it’s just easier to blame something or someone else for how we feel and so this becomes our default way of being.

Second, there is an awareness issue. We still live in an ego-centric world where we’ve been conditioned that our thoughts and ability to reason should trump our feelings. We learn that it’s better to take action — even if this action is motivated by fear or anger – than to wait for calm, cool, clarity. (The United States’ decision to begin a “pre-emptive” war is a particularly salient example). The idea that managing our feelings has a direct impact on what we create is just beginning to take root in human consciousness.

The final issue is what I’ll call the Dalai Lama Dilemma. According to a recent interview, the Dalai Lama stated that his primary goal is to maintain an emotional equilibrium. “Ups and down,” he said, “are not good.”

The challenge is that while living like the Lama looks great on paper (he sells many books), it’s not very sexy. One of my favorite metal bands summed it up when they sang, “Peace Sells, But Who’s Buying?” In other words, most people will tell you they resonate with the idea of living a peaceful life, but in decisive moments, they still choose the default response, reacting with drama, blame, or fear.

Further, there’s also the tendency to associate a peaceful life with a monk-like existence full of chastity and boredom. Indeed, the idea that the coolest life is the most peaceful life presents a unique marketing challenge. In fact, it flies in the face just about every marketing message you’ve ever been exposed to.

Fast cars, fast sex, fast money, fast times? Those ego-based appeals stir the adrenaline; there’s no need for a complicated sales pitch.

However, chasing the highs is always the less conscious choice. Why? Because with every dizzying high comes a crushing low. An inconvenient truth, but the two extremes are a package deal.

So then, how do you market the Creamy Middle as a better way to live?

People are always interested in results, so what’s the benefit of getting in the habit of turning your awareness inward and sensitizing yourself to what you feel?

When you expand your capacity to feel things fully, you develop the confidence that you can handle anything and everything that comes into your experience. With this total confidence, you eliminate the most insidious force that drives much of human behavior – fear.

Free of artificial highs and lows, you notice and allow that which you DO want (rather than struggling to avoid that which you DO NOT want) and you send a clear, clean signal to the universe. In this place, the manifestation of your desires is a natural by-product of living your life in a deliberate conscious manner.

Remember to look inside because the sweetness of life always lies in the creamy middle.

PROFESSIONAL COACHING SERVICES

Remember, managing how you feel is a skill set. In my opinion, there a few, if any skill sets that have a bigger impact on your life.

This is what I offer to progressive-thinking individuals and businesses. If you see the wisdom in investing in your personal infrastructure, let's connect and see what we can create together.

I really don't use the megaphone. Much.
In this depiction, I am also a dead ringer for Kevin Youkilis.
A cartoon from the archives created by an old partner in crime, Frank

Ready to remember what you're really capable of?
Ready to upgrade how you think, feel, and what you create in your life?
Ready to explore that deep, wonderful, final frontier that is … you?
I offer a full range of professional coaching services for cool people and progressive businesses for most price ranges.
Looks like I will be offering a new group focused on consciously creating a very cool life, kicking off sometime in the summer! Details to follow as they come into my head…
If you own (or make decisions) for a growing company that is committed to the growth and development of the people that make up that company, please contact me to see what I can bring to the table.

More here.

Schedule a session here.

Call 518.642.3111

DREW'S RAVE

Eliminate Your Junk Mail

Every one wants to simplify, right? Well, I do any way. Junk mail is an annoyance to everyone. Not only did you not ask for it and not want it, but dealing with it occupies mental space. I stumbled on this service a few months back, and indeed, my mailbox is free of much junk. Feels good every day for the $15 investment. Check it out.

Greendimes.com.

DREW'S LINKS

Suze Orman Has Your Back

Years ago, as I struggled with money, my first coach bought me some cassette tapes of Suze Orman. She helped me understand my relationship with money and how things had gotten twisted. Years later, I saw her give the keynote speech at a coaching convention and she was dynamite. Fearless. So you can consider me a fan.

I do my best to keep my finances in order, and having gotten married recently, I looked into the best way to protect my investments and have them pass to Karin easily in the event of my death. Most services I looked at cost megabucks to set up a will, a living trust, etc. But then I found myself on Suze's site where she offer everything in a slick online package for — get this — 15 bucks!

Yes it's tedious to fill this stuff out. Yes, there's a lot of paperwork. Yes, you have to contemplate your own death. But if you really want to take care of the people you love, and respect your money, just do it.

Go here. Then click Will and Trust Kit

Peace Sells… But Who's Buying?

Couldn't resist including this link. I know most people do not have an ear for this kind of music (my dad used to strongly encourage me to "turn that sh!t down!" when I'd be jamming in my bedroom), so I'm not expecting to convert anyone. But written 22 years ago, I think the message of the song is still relevant. Oh, and the killer bass line and guitar riffs rock too…

BOOKS

Just finished Richard Russo's Nobody's Fool. I savored twenty pages or so every night. Loved it. Now into Cormac McCarthy's The Road. Talk about switching gears!

MOVIES

For the Love of the Game - Karin hits a home run on Netflix. I'm mixing my sports anologies here, becuase this is a documentary film about a girls high school basketball team. Trust me, this movie is better than you can imagine — suspenseful sports scenes and poignant lessons. Recommend this to anyone. A
The Wire (Season 1) - Had heard the hype about this series and I needed a replacement for The Sopranos. Am happy to say that The Wire has proven a worthy successor. Season 1 was brilliant. A
Kramer vs. Kramer - Karin rented this classic film, having never seen it before. I must say it held up magnificently. A
There Will Be Blood - A Friday night feature for an audience of one. Me. Karin was not home and had no interest in this film. A drama all the way and a rather dark one at that. Daniel Day-Lewis is a peach of an actor. Appreciated the film but doubt I'll ever watch it again. B
Ratatouille - Visually stunning, but the little mouse never won me over. Finding Nemo is the benchmark for me on these types of movies. C+ (In truth, I let myself fall asleep halfway through with no regrets).

RANDOM NEURAL FIRINGS

Avoid excuses. There's nothing more lame than getting a message that says "things have been crazy around here." Please. Save it.
My definition of a sport? It's not a sport unless you sweat every time you play. Otherwise, you got yourself a "game." Was thinking about this after all the Tiger Woods/Gatorade ads (He got paid $100 million to endorse this product? Good for him). But is he really sweating that much out on the links? I know… I need to think about more important things…
I've got a post coming on the joy of the video game Rock Band. Guitar Hero is very cool, no question, but Rock Band is a hoot for the whole family.

One of the thousands of lovely "flowers" on my lawn.

Th-th-that's all folks! Check this page for updates throughout the month… Next issue, June 2008.

(518) 642-3111
ISSN: #1530-3101 Library Of Congress, Washington D.C., USA
© Copyright 2008 by Drew Rozell, Ph.D. - All Rights Reserved

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May 6, 2008

Lost and Found: Navigating through Blame

Was driving solo to my aunt's on Saturday for her 70th birthday celebration (Karin was out of town).

The party kicked off at 3PM and with my departure time, I would arrive a fashionable 30 minutes late.

My aunt lives in a rarely used corner of New York State. I consistently forget the exit as there are at least four options. In fact, I've made enough mistakes going to her house that even my mistakes look familiar ("oh yeah, I remember that sign").

A few years ago, I wised up and wrote the directions in the atlas I keep in the car. As I approached the collection of exits for Route 17 (One of these is 17M — I understand 17E or 17W, but 17M???), I reached to pull my trusty map from the back seat.

As my hand found only leather backing of the passenger seat, I remembered that I had taken my atlas out of the car so my brother (visiting from Alaska to surprise my aunt) could map out a route from my house to my sister's in New Hampshire. As the myriad of exits approached, in my mind's eye, I could see the atlas, open to the state of Vermont, resting on my coffee table.

I was on my own. No map. No GPS. No cell phone. There was no place to stop and ask directions, and besides, that's cheating.

I usually have an excellent sense of direction. I never gotten lost in the woods and I can usually look at the position of the sun or just intuit the proper way to go. But this area continues to be my personal Bermuda Triangle where all my navigation systems go dead.

I zoomed past the first two exits, doing my best to fight off the growing feeling of agitation. I noticed the swirl of energy filling my chest.

I'd been in the car close to four hours. I wanted out. I had taken steps to never have this issue again by writing the directions in the atlas. My thoughts were clear. This wasn't my mistake. And I quickly found a goat to scape.

If my brother hadn't asked me for the atlas, it would be in my car and I would be peacefully on my way. This was his fault, not mine.

I caught myself immediately. But even in catching myself, the thoughts of blame did not instantly melt away. They lingered, like the overly loud party guest who has had too much to drink, but still refills his glass instead of finding the door.

Blaming is the easiest (and darkest) thing to do. For most of us, we established neural pathways that direct responsibility from ourselves to other people. In this way, our ego thrives — when it's not our fault, we remain, good, smart, able. And other people are the reason for how we behave and feel.

But the greater truth is that blaming never feels good. There's always anger, resentment, and fear driving blame. Not where you want to be.

Even the idea of trying to establish culpability is a waste of time. The fact was that I was lost. Trying to pin my situation on someone else was not going to lead me to the proper course.

I had to consciously release my feelings of blame. To do so, I put my focus on the present moment. Everything is cool in the present moment.

Except is was not.

I was clearly going the wrong way. I knew I had to turn around and head in the other direction, but the next exit was not for 18 miles! I passed three of those little connecting roads that say "No U-Turn" where the cops like to hide out. I was tempted to take the shortcut, but resigned myself to play it straight. I reminded myself that all this was perfect; my job was to be okay with what IS.

Forty minutes later, I made it back to the critical juncture where I chose the wrong exit. I still was not sure which direction to chose, but I had taken one option off the table.

I made my choice, exited the highway, and immediately added one more car to the traffic jam. I crawled forward for twenty minutes, finally passing the site of the accident. Ten miles later, I realized I had chosen the wrong direction once again. Broken, I stopped twice to ask for directions, but found little valuable information.

My back throbbed with the discomfort of being trapped in the car. The party started an hour and a half ago. I SHOULD be there by now. I SHOULD have had my map. I SHOULD be giving people hugs and enjoying a cold beer.

But I was not. And I had to be cool with that. Or at least, I wanted to be cool with that. I want to maintain that sense of equilibrium, no matter what the circumstances around me. And I wish to consciously give up the notion of blame. Such a toxic habit.

Eventually I arrived at the party. I was two hours late. I had just missed the little ceremony where people apparently sang songs and flooded my favorite aunt with appreciation. Physically, I was drained from the ride. When people asked me where I had been, I told the story a couple times, but the words came out of my mouth as a habit; there was little charge behind them. When I was asked a third time where I had been, I just replied, "Hey, I'm here now," without explaining or reliving the experience.

I promised myself I would not mention the map to my brother, but I did, a sign that I'm not completely free of this dynamic yet. But I know where to go, the work that needs to be done.

In hindsight, in order to find something essential to the quality of our lives, perhaps we must allow ourselves to get a bit lost every now and again.

(And Ned, I apologize if made you feel guilty. I love you, brother).

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April 29, 2008

Oh yeah, that's why I left…

Today's a cold and rainy day.

On the bright side, the rain is greening up the world outside my window in an Ireland sorta way. April showers and all that…

This afternoon I attended the funeral services for my godfather who passed at the age of 96. He was really more like the grandfather I never had; a wonderful man who showed me a lot of love as a little boy. I am very lucky to have had him and his lovely wife in my life.

A priest said a few words at the funeral parlor. He did a fine job, but listening to his words stirred up lots of old feelings for me.

I was raised a Catholic, but when I left for college I fell out of the habit of attending mass every Sunday.

The truth is, habit was the only reason I ever went to church.

I NEVER felt comfortable in the Catholic church.

Sometime around first grade (6 years old?) I had to make my first confession. For non-Catholics, this means I had to go into a dark little room and tell the priest who was hiding behind a screen how I had sinned against God.

I was terrified by the whole idea of confession. I did not like thinking of myself as a sinner, as someone bad. Up until that time, I thought I was just a little boy. And a pretty good one at that…

Filled with anxiety over the future of my soul, I couldn't sleep for the week before I was to repent. To further add to my stress, I had trouble thinking of what I had done to sin in the eyes of God in my six wild and careless years of life.

Um, sure, I had yelled at my sister and did not always do as my parents told me, but I wasn't sure if this was going to make the grade with the priest. The old guy scared the pants off me (not literally) and I wasn't taking any chances and getting into bigger trouble by not coming through with a bona fide sin.

So when I closed the door in the dark little booth, what did I do?

I lied, of course.

Stealing a scene from a movie, I told the priest I broke a neighbor's window with a baseball and ran away. As best I could tell, the priest bought it.

Grounded in fear, my relationship with the church was built on a rocky foundation. As the fear-based messages continued to roll in during my adolescence, ("If you keep listening to that devil music, you can expect eternal damnation"), any connections I felt disintegrated.

I was reminded of all of this today when the priest began to talk about how when our time comes, God will be waiting there like a shepard tending his flock and sorting through his sheep. God will lay his judgment down upon us and separate us into the GOOD and the BAD.

As I listened, I felt that same pit in my stomach that I felt as I waited to confess my sins for the first time.

This. Just. Feels. Wrong. To. Me.

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April 23, 2008

Flowing

Popping bud. I believe this will be a red maple leaf.
But I could be wrong. Tasha is out of focus on the left.

Spring is here.

And this is good. So good.

Buds explode into flowers and leaves.

Fox pups wrestle.

Windows open.

The world turns green. More every minute.

Birds chirp, squawk, and sing.

The smell of rain on pavement.

Shorts and sandals.

I feel the life flowing again.

And business is buzzing after a long slumber.

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April 14, 2008

Rockin' out: Clearing the barriers to my intuition

On my way to basketball this AM I was listening to my trusty satellite radio, doing some rockin' out.

An old Def Leppard song came on — Action, Not Words.

I haven't heard the song in years, but this was the music of my youth and in those days I spent all my money on albums, cassettes, walkmans, and speakers.

Somehow, all the lyrics were still embedded in my neural connections. The words poured out, I sang along, got pumped up to play some basketball, and reflected upon my teenage years.

While I couldn't quite remember who I was back then (I think I was happy, but was I?), I was certain that Def Leppard had indeed rocked. I wanted to share the sentiment with someone, to reminisce over the merits of the albums High N Dry and Pyromania. (For the record, they turned the corner for me with Hysteria.)

But it's just me and soon I'm at the gym, doing battle.

After the games, I stop at an internet cafe to do a little work and get some food.

I notice a couple in the booth across from where I type this entry.

Something about them strikes me, so I keep stealing glances, piecing together bits of information in my head (I do this, so beware of me in public places. I tell ya, I don't miss a trick). I notice his accent — pleasant. English? Certainly not from these parts…

There's something about them… are they artists of some kind?

On their way out, I hear him mention something about a manager for Def Leppard.

Wait a minute…

Is that…?

Of course, it is!

A Google search confirms everything…

The dude is one of the members of Def Leppard!

(I'll keep it private as to which one, but I'll say that I've never seen anyone else play his instrument the way he does. Got it now, rock fans?)

Believe me that when I tell you this was a rather unlikely meeting place. I'm still shaking my head at the thought of it. I do not live any where near L.A…. Logically, the odds had to be damn near zero… but I like to look deeper than logic can take me. (And if he hadn't said something about Def Leppard in front of me at the last minute, I never would have made the connection. It sorta felt like he was giving me a clue…?)

These sorts of meetings have been happening quite a bit in the past few weeks (but this one takes the prize so far). I will think of someone and then bump into them in an unlikley way. It's fun and a bit freaky too…

I've doing some working clearing any barriers to my intuition with my Very Cool Life Network group… I think this is likely it — that I'm just in tune with what's to unfold.

Here's to remembering more of the future!

And rocking out…